it's 11:06 pm, on June 19, 2009 - bone bruise.

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so hey, hi, I've been gone a while? apparently the last time I posted was in April, and it was titled "dear old love". well, here's another one?

our five months, plus fourteen years, gave me post traumatic stress disorder. I'm still not sure if it was the accident, or having you leave.

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maybe I won't send that one in.

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once, about eight or nine years ago, I wrote an entry detailing emotional anorexia; how I try to cut myself off from pleasure, from company, from *people*, when I'm anxious or-- whatever.

it never works for long enough, though, just like the longest I can go eating like an anorexic is three days of gnawing hunger. emotionally, I can go longer.

dear old love: If I had known that losing my virginity to you while we were high and there was porn and techno on in the background would be a crippling blow to the chance I'd ever have a meaningful relationship, still more than a decade later-- no. I can't even say I wish I hadn't done it it, then.

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...maybe I won't send that one in, either.

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- - October 30, 2009
flesh wound - October 20, 2009
second verse, same as the first. - October 13, 2009
second verse, same as the first. - July 07, 2009
bone bruise - June 19, 2009