it's 11:15 pm, on March 05, 2002 - deconstructing constellations.

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So I went to see nsync all down the west coast.

Lemme tell you what I learned: they're real people.

I think that it's so hard to accept, moreso than other people being real (like, other actors, or other musicians), because we're trying to see them as real people so intensely that they've become mythological.

And the scariest part is, they seem the same in person as they do on the screen. I can't imagine that. It would be easier to think, "oh, okay, they're manufactured, and this isn't how they are," but MTV? It like. That could be them. When Joey's got a solo, Chris and Justin are fucking around on the catwalk, doing a little dance all their own, kicking their legs out. JC really does shimmy in his stool.

It's not that I have a problem writing about real people. I just.

Constellations aren't supposed to become flesh and blood. They're not supposed to be the way you picture them, I think.

Still trying to digest this huge bite of life, and deconstructionism, that I got this weekend. It's going to take a while, as you might have guessed. I might put off any writing in this arena for now, because.

In random news, it's my birthday tomorrow. I'm turning twenty. I'm fucking terrified, but this is the way it goes when you get older. It's okay. I'm still younger than Britney, and she was sitting in the soundbooth at the Tacoma show, trying to be discreet, watching the encore.

They have faces. They have names, and they aren't these completely different people. --maybe this is all incomprehensible because there was nothing to disprove that I do know something of them, which is harder to accept than that I know nothing.

Shana just used the line "how much of the real story isn't far beneath, but is just, like, shellacked."

All of this goes back to public exhibitionism. We're looking at them. They know it.

Chris winked at the audience; he must get the joke.

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