it's 12:54 pm, on May 15, 2006 - bears in the woods, pt. 2.

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I've been holding off discussing this, hoping that it might crystallize and thus become clearer, and also shorter, but I think this is it.

I've been feeling a bit off lately, and I couldn't figure out why - certain things would set me off, and they'd be stupid things, not the kind of thing you should get angry about. I realized, though, that a lot of it comes from feeling like I don't have any unconditional support, no kind of anchor, here.

I don't mean to imply there is no support here. It's more like, I used to have something solid at my back, so that no matter how worried I got or how nerve-wracked, there'd be something grounded. Someone, grounded, I guess. But lately - and earlier than I moved, too - there's been none of that, and I think it's starting to take it's toll.

It's kind of like, standing on some kind of uneven or shakey ground, leaning to one side expecting something to be there to steady you, and finding out there isn't.

Anyway, maybe I'll have something else to say about this later. I'm glad, though, that I identified the cause of my unrest, because now I can work on minimizing it.

~

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bruise - June 29, 2015

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