it's 8:45 pm, on May 07, 2007 - disappeared again.

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let's see. in the time that diaryland was out of commission for adding new entries, I went through a three day enforced fast, had several horrific emotional moments, decided to deny myself all joy, got the flu, seriously considered drinking rat poison, and had two dreams about high school math and one about being chased by dinosaurs.

why I would dream about not being able to do math, I'm not sure. apparently dreaming that you can't do a mathematical problem suggests that you're attempting to solve a problem in real life. I dreamed that I went for help in calculus and couldn't even remember what it was I couldn't do. I can't even identify the problem to solve, much less know how to solve it? not untrue.

what else, what else. Still denying myself joy. I woke up on Friday -- friday? thursday? -- terrified from a dream, but it was after I'd killed the thing that was chasing me. if I start dreaming of dinosaurs on a goddamned shipwreck--

and yet this morning I woke up at four am because of calculus. still waitin' on a train. I wake up in pieces.

~

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what would sith be nostalgic about anyway - November 24, 2015
moving truck dilemma - October 28, 2015
- - July 19, 2015
- - July 01, 2015
bruise - June 29, 2015

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