it's 3:56 pm, on November 07, 2007 - -.

~

I am sick to death of small things ruining my mood and day, and being unable to escape the totality of my interaction with Bryant. I can't do this; I have to get out of Toronto, no matter how much I like it here, because it will always be associated with times spent with him in his space. London is out for the same reason, unfortunately, because I could see myself there easily except I will constantly just want to go to the Anchor and feel dissatisfied. I need a total divorce, removal, of any influence that even reminds me of comic fandom's existence.

I have a statute of limitations on my emotions for most things of two years, but in order to stick with that I have to erase my emotions completely. without that shedding of old skin and discardation of old lives, I don't ever let go of anything.

moral of the story: no kol, no internet, plans to move completely - and most importantly, I forgot that I do better alone, without the influence of people I cannot escape, that stiffle instead of comfort. to shed one's skin one also has to shed one's emotions, influences, environment, and experience. life is not, for me, a series of continual processes to form a person, but rather a series of discreet blocks of time, each unconnected with the one that came before. I forgot that, while the other thing looks good on paper, it doesn't work for me.

I've been in this block of time too long, been in this lifetime too long, felt trapped by it this summer and probably longer, and now have to move away and on.

~

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what would sith be nostalgic about anyway - November 24, 2015
moving truck dilemma - October 28, 2015
- - July 19, 2015
- - July 01, 2015
bruise - June 29, 2015

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