it's 1:39 am, on June 29, 2010 - -.

~

spent more than fifty percent of the day on the threshold to a physical panic attack. b says it's the heat and the weird summer, but i don't know; it feels more bone-deep, or it did today. it feels like i'm cracking up again, actualfax no control over my thoughts. and that hasn't happened since i don't know when.

or I do know when, and choose not to think about it. tomayto.

have also legit started reading supnat. this is going to be hell on my insides, i can tell, so I'm going to try and thwart it by closing all tabs. added to that i saw the hp exhibit this weekend, which was a bittersweet joy. i stood in front of the boggart wardrobe from the third movie, stared at the wizarding records remus had in his classroom. i stood and stared at the wanted poster of bellatrix lestrange. the pain was not as much in evidence as i expected it to be, but then, they don't have the Arch on display, don't have a section or room devoted to the Department of Mysteries.

pretty sure that being faced with that would hasten along this particular breakdown. whatever this particular breakdown is. that's the weirdest part; I can't seem to figure out what is wrong. much like when violently shoving people away, i can see myself doing and thinking irrational thoughts, winding myself up and making it worse and yet think it anyway, do it anyway.

okay, so, but. nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy. you are an island. you are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. and nobody cares.

~

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what would sith be nostalgic about anyway - November 24, 2015
moving truck dilemma - October 28, 2015
- - July 19, 2015
- - July 01, 2015
bruise - June 29, 2015

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