it's 5:09 pm, on January 01, 2014 - pomosexual.

~

elsewhere I just said, "we as humans can't, anymore, live without an audience. it gives us shape."

too true, too true. I have a long theory about my bipolar disorder manifesting itself in people, yes, but also fandoms - the mirror upon which I hold my own identity being the tumultuous relationships I have with stories that let me down, rather than people.

the people that let me down are characters in the grand storytelling we call fandoms, for sure, but only one part.

and, perhaps, the audience upon which I throw my own reflection is those people with which I experience a fandom, and the emotional crises of loss and grief when another story lets me down is reflected upon those relationships, as they watch the crisis, and shows the image of another audience's betrayal.

the identity I perform, that is shown to me to be true, depends on my relationship to the story we tell; and the audience watching my reflection is whipped when that relationship inevitably breaks down.

I have no audience watching my reflection, I have no reflection; trying to write my own stories gives no meaning or identity to my emotional existence because without light bouncing off some mirror or another, into someone else's eyes, we're all just fumbling in the dark and hopeless.

-

overly dramatic, but probably true. tl:dr - postmodernism is standing in an eight sided room covered in mirrors, looking at your own reflection bouncing back and forth into eternity. postmodern culture is not knowing how to stand in the room unless someone else is watching you do it.

~

-

what would sith be nostalgic about anyway - November 24, 2015
moving truck dilemma - October 28, 2015
- - July 19, 2015
- - July 01, 2015
bruise - June 29, 2015

-