it's 9:58 pm, on August 11, 2014 - I AM BECOME DEATH DEVOURER OF WORLDS.

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I have a strange aversion to mental health discourse of the pomo age that I have to try really, really, really hard to suppress around 99% of people.

basically, I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the attempt to control the discourse around depression and suicide? but tl:dr, always felt like the platitude "get help, you don't have to feel that way" somehow invalidates my agency in my own emotions, not to mention invalidates my agency in my fucking body and mind.

the perception that i am unimportant is my place in the universe, that you want me to feel 'better' somehow means i'm not a whole (the gestalt therapists would say 'authentic') human being if I don't, that my perception is flawed when in reality, no human being 'matters'. I don't get it. if I don't want to live anymore, it is my decision to make and why does someone else get any agency in that?

like I said, I don't often discuss it because it usually -- anyway. it's a fight waiting to happen, and people expecting--

whoa. I just accidentally pulled up the option to insert special characters by holding down the 'S' key in a special way. what?

I mean, yeah, depression is important. but � is too. what is that?

~

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