it's 7:13 am, on August 29, 2001 - chris, being inherently selfish.
~
Sometimes you go from 'breaking up is hard to do' to the 'and then we had hot buttery sex', but it's not often.
Most of the time you go from 'breaking up is is a fucking motherfucker and people ask but they can't really, y'know' to-- and this is where he was kinda, like, stuck.
~*~
I was going to write something with that as the beginning because, even if I say it myself, it's a pretty sexy little beginning. The problem with it was, I felt it a little too strongly, and then I went, 'oh, so that's what it's like to be here' and I couldn't really care because I didn't have anything else to say.
I find it vaguely amusing that al's quotes page has the quote I've been attached to lately. I thought I'd found it on my own. How not amusing, in a sad way. It's the 'and the image on the screen jumped too'.
Hey, I figured out what bothers me. A little of it, maybe. I collected up a bunch of n-sync lines because I was reading good shit, and forget that it's boybands, the language itself was interesting, and here's what bothers me most. It, I don't know. It. I do know.
Did I ever tell you about my paranoia about people talking about me as if I was someone... yeah. I probably did. And if I didn't, I don't need to cause it's quarter to seven in the morning and I think I might be starting some problems sleeping. I think I might be starting a round of problems.
Uh, anyway, where was I. Right. So I go to Al's quotes page once and a while, because. And.
--River wrote me an email like that today. It ended: "Write to me, because; and."
It seems to fit in the theme-garden well.
~*~
So, um, I start school in about a week, and I don't really, I mean, I don't care. I'll probably care once I start, and I'll probably start feeling more charitable or less friendly, either or. Because; and.
See, when I say that, I know what I'm saying, kind of, but I'm not *saying* it so I can still retract it tomorrow if I want to.
Isn't the English language fabulous?
~*~
quote pages make me feel... self-conscious, or, exhibitionist, because I know I live to be quoted, even living to be quoted is so I'll be quoted on it, and it's a viscious cycle, sometimes, that I can't seem to break out of being aware of every fucking thing that comes out of my mouth. Xander, I think, was getting at this, and yes, it sometimes stings, but that's the way it goes when you want to be a performer I guess.
'so you wanna be a rock and roll star, well listen now, to what I say; just get an electric guitar, take some time, and learn how to play--'
Maybe it loses something without Adam Duritz's vocals and the keening of strings in the background.
~*~
I'm trying to remember what else I wanted to go on about today, but most of it is gone from a, a want for insomnia because I could point to that and say hey, that's probably not good. But I sleep like a motherfucker. I'm groggy all the time. I love sleeping.
I feel, distinctly, a lack of minimalism.
~*~
It's seven in the morning. I have AIM open, but I forgot because Farli just msged me and I was surprised. I keep leaving it on for River, just in case, but so far no luck.
Time seems to slow down when you're tired or when you're impatient. The whole summer's flown by, practically, but I can't seem to get to September 4th soon enough, so I'll have something to do that's not reading about Lance being empty or Justin being, him. Or Chris being selfish. Y'know. Something that has nothing to do with glitter.
I don't want to be the one who wants the glitter. Y'know. It's stupid to be about beginnings, to be that impatient, to want a snapshot without the investment of a longer story.
~
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