it's 5:13 am, on March 12, 2002 - alcoholism.

~

I very much want to write a little scene right now, where Howie calls up Joey and asks about, someone's coke addiction.

I will not, because I wanted to get away from the nsync, damnit, but there's something about'em. Anyway. I can't decide who with the coke addiction. I always want it to be Lance, because hey, Lance, but then I want it to be Chris because he's always, punchy.

Sandy wrote this, thing. Where Justin was an alcoholic. And to dry out, he went to Chris's place, and stopped with the drugs, and the partying. And then he was fine. And then he realized, no, hey, must admit it and go to meetings. because one must stand up, when one has a problem, and admit it.

This isn't, by the way, a roundabout way of saying, I am an alcoholic. It just gets me thinking, sometimes, about what Will's doing with his life.

~*~

Howie last saw Lance at the Grammy after-parties, he thinks. Nick caught him after one of their shows in Los Angeles, but Howie's always preferred Orlando to LA, so when Nick calls, the secondhand "he looks good" has to be enough.

He's never pined after Lance. Nick thinks that he does, hell, even Brian thinks he does. Howie just worries, sometimes.

AJ doesn't say anything about it, because Lance did it the quiet way, with his nails dug into the bus formica and no one around but Joey and his brother, and cold wash cloths one night. Lance calls AJ every few weeks. AJ doesn't tell Howie anything about it.

The problem is, Howie sees AJ more than he ever wanted to see anyone in his life. The whole band. So there's no way to seriously think for one minute that they could ever hide anything from him. But Lance, Lance he saw at the Grammies, and after, nursing a beer and looking strained, and hasn't since.

And they're all his friends, whether anyone believes it or not, so he wants to know, is all. He wants to know if Lance is hiding stuff.

Every time he tries to explain it, AJ says, "he's got his own four watchdogs, D, you don't have to worry about him. He'll be fine," and Howie just has to accept that, because he can't be with everyone. Even if he wants to.

~*~

Because I think that's just the kind of sweet person Howie is. --Mel said to update this more regularly, so I'm blaming her for the random backstreet boys spam. There you go, Mel, you're responsible for tripe.

Maybe tripe is that kind of wobbly pudding people eat, not bad things coming into the world. --whatever.

Wobble. Hee.

To explain the inanity: I read four episodes worth of recaps of "Making the Band" in a row, just now, and anything that doesn't have "y'all" or "man" or "represent" in it seems to be too intellectually stimulating.

To round this all into a nice little neat packaged entry, I started thinking about the whole thing because a random journal I clicked on just now had the words "fucking coke addiction" in the first entry. And I started thinking, "that is an angry tone of voice to take". I wonder if anyone doesn't take an angry voice when talking about someone else's coke addiction.

Is it possible not to speak of a coke addiction, your own or someone else's, without resorting to anger? Drugs are the perfect enemy to hate, secretly, because they'll never try and make excuses, won't defend themselves.

Ah, but for the happier times when. Next weekend is St. Patrick's Day. I am going to drink. I am going to indulge my addictions. I am going to fully admit that I feel little anger towards my own vices. --Will's, I'm still working on.

~

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