it's 4:57 am, on August 18, 2002 - hawkeye's bruise.
~
So, I just watched one of my all time favorite movies.
And, okay, here's the story. I'm in grade nine, fourteen and still romantic. We get SuperChannel, the movie station before it was fucked up and split into different channels and sucked. So I'm watching a lot of weird movies -- a lot of movies. I can still step into Blockbuster, look at the rack, and go "seen that, seen that, seen that" from my stint of having movie channels. I've seen "Jade". I've seen every second-rate, made-for-tv mystery drama ever released. Swear to god.
Anyway. And then, I saw this movie with -- I find out tonight -- Ethan Hawke, about him meeting a gal on a train in Europe. And the movie goes: they get along. They talk, and talk. I still remember this scene, them talking in the dining car. This movie hit home, so much so that a lot of my romance is still tied up in it, even though I didn't realize it. Between this movie, and "only you" with Marisa Tomei, Europe is still magic.
Anyway, so he's flying home to New York. And he convinces her to get off the train with him in Vienna and keep him company before he flies home that morning. And they spend all night together in Vienna. And, just. You fall in love so quickly, sometimes, that that's all it takes, that's it, and you've fallen.
It's just the most beautiful beautiful movie.
So anyway, but I couldn't remember the damned name of this movie for years. Grade nine I saw it, and haven't known since. I remember the first scene, clearly, but didn't know the title, didn't know who was in it, only knew that boy meets girl on train, boy and girl fall. Y'know?
So I go downstairs, and what does mum happen to be watching? Right. That movie.
I forgot that IM was on and open, forgot that I was upset. Just sat, and watched two people fall in love in Vienna.
The name of this movie, in case anyone ever wants to see it (I'm gonna buy it, I hope) is "Before Sunrise". If you've ever fallen in love in an evening, in a time and place that didn't feel real, well. it's that kind of thing.
*
Justin sighed, closing his eyes. "Sometimes I think I'm really an old woman, one of those old women who wear lots of petticoats, in a twenty year old's body. and then I'll wake up one day, and it won't be me, it'll be someone with faintly blue hair and a lot of petticoats."
Lance ran a hand down Justin's cheek. "That's funny," he said. "Cause normally I feel like I'm secretly thirteen. Like, my life is a dress rehearsal, I'm taking notes and real life is going to happen later, to someone else."
Justin grinned, head leaning against the pew. "So when we kissed in the ferris wheel, I was a cradle robber?"
"Dirty," Lance replied, almost giggling. He stroked Justin's cheek again, and Justin leaned into it.
*
That's almost word for word dialogue from "before sunrise", only, y'know, butchered, because I can only do a hack job to people's quotes, as we know. But, there are just. It's. Yeah.
So many people can't get enough of "say anything" or whatever -- that one comes to mind because it's the love of shana's life -- but it's all "before sunrise" and "only you" for me. Romance in Europe, it's the only place I believe it. And yeah, it's a secret, but I still believe it.
to end, I just read "encore", for the eight hundredth time, and I think that, that's also so fucking romantic. That's romantic for L.A. which is the romance I recognise now, Jay Leno and martinis and a fifty to turn up the tv, desperate to hear his voice.
missing the romantic. send help.
also, this entry is replacing one I made earlier today that was whining about the lack of an exciting!career!choice! in my life. see entry under a. whining and b. over-reacting, not to mention c. soothed away by fic, doqz, and time.
However, something I want to keep from that previous entry, not to mention romance I miss:
"Hawkeye," BJ began again, but he was cut off.
"Never mind," Hawkeye said, his eyes still closed. "I don't care. I just want to sleep."
*
I was talking to Al about some friends of mine, once, who were staying in a hotel room with other gals. And these friends of mine, they lived apart and were in love. And I wondered aloud what they did to get any private time, whether they just, weren't, or whether the other gals were leaving, giving them some time alone.
And she said, maybe they don't need that kind of alone time.
So, and yes, I was thinking partly sex. But also, I mean, there are things you want to do, just fall asleep. put yourself into a time and place where other things don't exist -- and you can't do that with other people around. you can't find that time and place.
--every time I say 'time and place' I think, 'time and place campaign, clay', and then I think, 'made of clay'. which is the weirdest associations to be having, but.--
so I'm trying to write something for Sandy's birthday, because she's someone I adore so very much. but it's slow going, because nothing is quite good enough, or right. but, one thing I have been trying to do is write about Justin and Lance sleeping. Not fucking, just, sleeping. Sleep and R.E.M. but anyway. Because sleep is romantic.
and the song it's all revolving around right now seems to be "thank you" by the whitlams: 'thank you, each and every one of you, for loving me at my worst.'
'can we be crazy for a few more years' and all of that.
Justin and Lance, just, sleeping. catching up, catching their breath. 'if this isn't love, it's very close'. it's very close, indeed.
I miss you like sleep.
*
"shhhhhh," Lance said, and forced Justin down on the bed. "just, shhhh."
"But, we have to be up in less than three hours and if I don't do this--" Lance kissed Justin's mouth, kept a firm hand on his chest, pressing him down. "Lance," and Justin protested, weakly, but closed his eyes in exhaustion.
"yeah," Lance said. "we're going to bed."
Justin yawned. "There'd better be sex before we leave."
"mmmm," and Lance pressed into him, into Justin's side and neck, pressed his nose into Justin's cheek. "shhhhh."
~
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