it's 1:03 am, on September 12, 2002 - somewhere out there.

~

It's no secret that Lance Bass is no longer going up to Mir. And the, the loss of that, to him, is something I grieve for, because it's one more thing in the world that someone didn't get. Loss. My notebook on the train. the fic from this morning. Justin's necklace. the, the band in 'encore'. the Old Gang. It's loss, and no matter what it is or who, it's loss, plain and simple, and it hurts.

So, we bear in mind that I've been re-using the miss you like sleep romance like hell, lately, and it goes hand in hand with the insomnia.

There's also this song, "somewhere out there" that's going through my head right now. it's the Lance in Space song, as far as I'm concerned, lance in space and so far away. some of the relevent lyrics go:

last time I talked to you
you were lonely and out of place
you were looking down on me
lost out in space

And also, karen had a birthday, and it's no secret she loves Lance and Justin. and there are just some stories out there that're so satisfying, a full course meal plus dessert, all in three or four pages. and there was this one, "slow like honey". and part of it was:

Lance says, "You're every dream I've ever had," like a warm hand on Justin's chest.

There's music piled at Justin's feet, lyrics on notebook paper and full songs on professional sheets. He picks up one of the pages. "You told me a story. Do you want to hear a song?"

"Like I love you."

"You, you want to hear that one?"

"No, baby. I want you to sing to me like I love you. As much as I love you. As much as I want anything."

Tonight all of these things are mixing together in my head and producing, this. and I was talking to Mel, and something coalesced in my head, something that's been building ever since this summer, since seeing Nsync in orlando. since wanting a tattoo.

I quoted those lines at Mel, anyway, right before she had to go.

mel: I saw that. Yes.
me: miss you like sleep.
me: I'm going to cry over Lance. fuck me. I *am* a teeny.
mel: Don't say that, sweetie, I'll cry. And I don't cry.
me: well, I'm going to, so you should.
me: :P
me: I do though. you guys are like breathing.

You guys are like breathing and I miss you so much. when I think of heaven I think of you, do you think of me, all that corny stuff and it's all true. I want you to sing to me like I love you. as much as I love y'all. as much as I want anything in this whole entire world.

~

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what would sith be nostalgic about anyway - November 24, 2015
moving truck dilemma - October 28, 2015
- - July 19, 2015
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bruise - June 29, 2015

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