it's 12:51 pm, on November 15, 2002 - I am a.... dinosaur!!.

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i am a.... dinosaur!

no, really, there is just nothing going on except me waiting at school and avoiding desperately anything and everything to do with work. and I have big spines down my back, and with each roll of my shoulders people are impaled on my spikes.

hear me roar. thump thump thump.

remember how Tap was upset and crazy, and she's better now so now I'm crazy? right. take that as disclaimer, file it, stamp it, seal it, and accept it as a plea of insanity for whatever peccadillios follow. --is that spelled right? what the fuck ever.

religious studies today was more of King David, and I kept picturing a David, shift-hopping and riding buffalo, wooly mammoths, and thowing spears, looking for a Jonothan that didn't suffer the fate of his father.

also, there's this line that goes "we sing in the choir together". and it's toby and chris, which, just is. deinos, as the greeks say. only, it would be deina, 'awsome things'. so, but also, in that episode. the news lady asks Toby "what kinds of things have happened to you in here?" and he goes, "what?" so she repeats, "what have you suffered?"

and Toby says, "ever read the book of Job?"

so, but today, sitting there with my big gay David and my big gay Jonothan, tragically separated in the battle with the Philistines by a shift line rending the world apart, I started reading the book of Job.

it goes, once upon a time, Job was a thug. then satan came down and said "you better be getting yo'self some of his stuff" and so god did, he took away all Job's possessions and crew. but, Job didn't curse god, cause Job's his dirty. then satan said, "cut this bitch up, yo!!" so god did, and Job didn't curse god. then he did.

then job and his three homeboys have a long conversation about suffering and all, and in song version so basically, picture eminem and dre and like, I dunno. snoop, going off about god and doing good deeds and punishment and, dinosaurs or something. flip flip flip flip the page.

at the end, god and job stop arguing, and god gives back all his shit, so that Job's better off than he was to begin with, all thug life and stuff. because of what job said that, remember, I didn't read because eminem didn't say "motherfucker" every third verse in it. the moral of the story is that suffering matters a lot to everyone, except none of us want to find out how to alleviate it and what we need to endure -- we just want to get to the punch line where we be livin' it up. that, and the bible would be a lot more interesting if it was performed in a wifebeater.

dinosauuuuuuur! rawwwwr.

Perhaps this is yet another attempt by my subconscious to subvert my thoughts. dinosaurs, with big sharp teeth. there I am, biting the cute little eMac. there I am biting that girl's head off. rawwwr.

mel, you know how you worry about whether people are going to come and take you away?

dinosaurs suffered the fate of a falling meteor. we don't know their story, we don't know how it happened or what kinds of prayers they made to their gods, but we know that they existed, and now they don't. their beginning was them, living it up thug life, and their end -- our beginning -- is nothing. dinosaurs are not of the chosen people.

we know our beginning and we'll know our end, but no one's gonna bother reading the middle.

rawwwwr. --ps: still feeling twitchy.

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