it's 3:46 am, on December 14, 2002 - my necklace.

~

I'm so depressed.

see, there's this thing, whereby, sometimes people get attached to things they shouldn't. and when they lose them? it's loss, it doesn't matter whether it's a band, or a bracelet, or a friend, or a television show. the feeling you get when something you love goes by the wayside, it's loss, it doesn't matter how big or small the object. only how big a chunk of your insides is devoted to the thing.

so, they cancelled firefly. and, I'm so depressed. It was fast becoming my favorite show, moreso than Buffy or anything else. it's a loss in the pit of my stomach, like Justin's necklace is a loss, and the chunk of me that the show owned is in mourning.

and, see, okay. Justin's necklace, like Chris said, it's the beginning, and it's loss. and then there's the end and it's still Justin's loss, and his loss feels kind of like my bruise.

He had lost something, and maybe it was something nobody else would understand, maybe it was something stupid and small but it had been his and he had wanted it and he had had it and now he didn't have it anymore, and no matter what anybody else said that was a loss. That was loss.

I lost a necklace once -- have I told this story? when I was about twelve, my daddy bought me a necklace with a big 'D' on it. It was pretty cheap, we bought it in the market in pakistan. and then I lost it. and I remember crying in bed, all night, sobbing. because it was gone, it was gone and it wasn't coming back. he got me another one, but you know? It's not the same. it's the reason I throw things out.

so, yes. depressed. I can't seem to get much hope out for the possibility that the support campaign is going to do enough good. some things just have to be let go, they're gone and not coming back.

~

-

what would sith be nostalgic about anyway - November 24, 2015
moving truck dilemma - October 28, 2015
- - July 19, 2015
- - July 01, 2015
bruise - June 29, 2015

-