it's 4:32 am, on March 21, 2003 - the important part is "happy birthday alestar".
~
okay, let's say right off the bat: a. I'm a right wing heartless bastard (which doesn't have much bearing, except, this is amazingly left wing for my capitalist heart) and b. this is sarcasm. I hate reality television shows.
having said that: The current "axis of evil" war is the newest form of reality tv.
think about it. there are live cameras in Baghdad, which I can't spell, there are journalists running around with the American and British armies, we're getting force-fed CNN feeds 24/7. we're seeing *everything* they can show us about this war.
and it's so boring.
it's like, the lofters 24/7. 99% of the time, life is dull. that's why they recap all the best stuff in an hour a week. I mean, come on, wouldn't we all be way more interested if those journalists --what's the word, embedded? -- with the troops were dodging bullets and asking soldiers what it felt like to have their legs amputated? wouldn't we all be watching the news day in and day out if fierce fighting suddenly broke out, explosions, bombs, guns, tanks, la la la?
much better for the ratings than hour after hour of sand.
I mean, I seriously sat there for ten minutes tonight and saw about a half dozen Iraqi soldiers pulling barbed wire along the road. that was the only thing the network had to report. They stood around, shuffled their feet, did something, stood around. I mean, I'm sure that something was actually going on, (like they were dragging barbed wire) and we just couldn't see it. and the american convoys really aren't much more interesting -- in fact, they're much less interesting, except we get audio ("and back to you, bill, what's your status? -- haven't you seen anything more interesting than sand YET? not even a tree? none? okay, thank you, stay on the line...")
FOX must be furious. here they thought that they had something better than "Married by America" (it's "strike on iraq!!" -- I guess no one told them that "attack on Iraq!!" rhymed better), and it's nothing but bad webcam shots of the desert, and bored people standing around. once and a while the ass end of a tank.
really. Fox must be furious.
though, I guess if they wanted to up their ratings those bad webcam shots could be interspersed by hot gay sex on the desert sands -- they could call it "hot and dirty, army exploits: see what these soldiers REALLY get up to!!" after all, bad webcam shots are always made better by bad pornography. and that's what the american army really needs in this day and age, lots of sex. make slash, not war, after all.
Or maybe, for flavah, they could get viewers to vote soldiers out of the war, one day at a time. "think private so-and-so isn't pulling his weight? can't wait for the bitchfight between the battalion commanders? vote at fox.com/war/ for who YOU want fighting!"
"Survivor: iraq!!" So terribly tacky, and tasteless, and stupid -- and yet I'm sure there's some executive at FOX trying to get it on the air.
maybe if they did, we'd get the war in a one-hour special each week.
~
not totally related, but in a definite "let's make fun of what's going on with the American President": I had this in a comment in lj, and I know I'm going to lose it if I don't save it up. see, River said that Iraq has a boyband. which to me is just the greatest news in the world. so, the war is justified if it brings more boybands to the world's notice? these are the really tough questions.
but anyway. sascha said "that makes as much sense for the war as anything else", and I commented:
GW: "Ah really want to listen to them boys from Iraq! their single is supah-fly! They're so keen."
Flecher: "...Something must be done to keep the world from grave danger and to protect our nations."
GW: "do yah think they'd let me sing backup on their next single?"
Flecher: "...the campaign of psychological warfare has only yet begun. We intend to take firm, decisive action. There will be no half-measures."
GW: "If we went in and liberated'em, they could get a deal with coca cola..."
Flecher: "...We will liberate the Iraqi people and allow them the freedoms that they have been denied for so long."
GW: "ah mean, everyone loves coke!"
Flecher: "...everyone loves coke."
~
I maybe find myself too funny. maybe I just find everyone else too funny. Al has been 22 for four and a half hours, here, and seven and a half hours there. I spent all night tonight writing an abstract and all half of night in the emergency room with my mom (who isn't dying or anything, just has a thing), so I figure I have a right to try and be funny.
no, okay, I don't have a right. besides, taking shots at George W is almost too easy. no, I know it's too easy, but oh well.
happy birthday, alestar. I love you.
~
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