it's 8:40 am, on January 24, 2004 - the long story.
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I debated doing this here or on livejournal for a while, where I wanted to answer the question what's happening in my personal life?
I mean, there are a few people on lj who don't actually read diaryland that have asked me this question in the last few days, being astounded I'm dating a boy. And every time someone asks me, "so what's he like?" "so what's going on?" "who is he?" all I can come up with is the answer, 'well, he wrote a LotR MUD.'
But this ended up being a lot longer than I originally thought, and stuff, so, yeah.
The longer story goes something like this. He's one of my best friend's brothers - Will's brother, for those of you who've heard the stories. his name is Kyle. He is a massive nerd, in that he did indeed write a LotR MUD, and is a gamer. he knows of fic, as well as slash, though doesn't read it at all - which means the huge explanation of having a fandom is a hurdle that's sidestepped right there, and yet it's kind of nice that he's not into the fic, because it means that he has no part of this insane crazy incestuous online life we share.
I've known Kyle for onwards of eight years now, ever since I was in grade nine, man. I always liked him. Me and Will and him and his friend Aaron used to spend quite a bit of time together when we were in, what is it, junior high? grade nine. We already know each other fairly well, too, and most importantly, I don't really feel nervous or anxious around him in the slightest. Things are really *comfortable*, which those of you who know me know that's basically a miracle.
He's also really quite a sweetheart, as well as easy to get along with. I can't explain this well. It. Nothing comes difficult. I talked to him in a serious manner. He is not, like me, as shy or emotionally introverted, though there's some supression going on - which means that, unlike with other people I have been with, and been with happily, and cared for immensely, we actually, y'know. to put it into a metaphor, we don't stand there looking at each other, akwardly waiting for the other person to speak, or to act. it's still hard, but I think I'd be able to say to him, look, I need your help. There are these things about myself I can't stand, I need this from you, - and not be that terrified.
Moreover, it's already not entirely perfect (to steal a Lucas line), which means that I also don't think it's idealized at all. (Which I spelled the first time as 'idolized'. Though, no golden cows, either.) That's really important for me, because I see a huge, intense gap between the ideal - like, say, this crazy incestuous online life we all share - and what's actually reality. There's a big difference between talking to someone about anything and everything, their deepest darkest secrets, and just plain getting to know them on a daily basis, spending *time* together. And time doing stupid things, like watching movies, or fucking around with the tv, or shopping, or whatever. You can know everything a person says and maybe not really know them that well, I figure.
I mean, in our crazy incestuous online world, people sleep together that don't even refer to each other by their real names. That's insane.
So that's what's going on with Kyle and me. and I think it's good.
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PS: every time I log into imood, I get a little display telling me the internet is tired. it amuses me for no good reason.
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