it's 10:40 am, on January 26, 2004 - biorhythms.

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Today feels like a much not-so-good day.

one day, in the near or distant future, I'm going to figure out what constitutes this crazy two month cycle I live on, wherein one week I am massively creative, writing upward of thousands of words in a very short time, and the next I feel like nothing, a mite, a grain of sand. then in two weeks I find out I have productivity, and churn out something mundane yet incredibly time consuming like a whole boatload of HTML. then the next week all I want to do is visit people and communicate with the outside world - flip the calender over seven days, and there I am back in bed. lather, rinse, repeat, every two to three months.

I'm not exaggerating the regular rhythm this pattern goes on, either. You can tell by what I accomplish on what dates - check when writing gets done, check when bills are paid, whatever. some part of my brain or body chemistry is alternating between modes of productive and not, and doing it without my consent. it figures.

it sometimes feels like if I could only judge the manic/depressive episodes my mind engages itself in, I could better regulate my life. this week, I'll write. this week, I'll clean house. this week, I'll go and be social. these weeks, I'll stay in bed crying. it sure seems easier than the routine I'm currently engaged in, which is trying to guess what'll happen next and desperately attempt to make the best use of it, missing by just enough days to get maybe, one productive day - let's call it tuesday - and the rest of the week naught but a feeling of restlessness.

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what would sith be nostalgic about anyway - November 24, 2015
moving truck dilemma - October 28, 2015
- - July 19, 2015
- - July 01, 2015
bruise - June 29, 2015

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