it's 6:40 pm, on February 27, 2004 - the ridiculous marriage.

~

Rae's moving in with her girlfriend, apparently. Dylan let her name slip, Jo, and I think I know who this is.

In the Names, there's a line that someone says, "It's ridiculous to be nostalgic about a failed marriage." But that's a little of what I feel, I think.

Item: I almost wish that Rae and I had been as good as - if we (I?) were braver, and things were timed different, and if the cosmos had been differently aligned - maybe we could have been. But that's not the way it went, and I don't have a broken heart, just, nostalgia.

I miss her, the way we were, the same way that you miss parts of some other house, the light in the kitchen in the morning, something like that. It doesn't hurt - and, I mean, it's been almost two years, I think, since we were together, so, hey - but the pleasant memory tinges something. A sense of missing her without loss, without pain, no sadness, simply an affection and potential wishing for a meeting once again.

I'm explaining this badly; I cared about her really a lot, and secretly I still wonder if she hates me, but mostly I think about her and smile, because what was between us is cause for fond recollection, nothing negative, just light in the kitchen, maybe from the tv.

Still reading the names. I think it's coming out in my narrative voice.

~

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what would sith be nostalgic about anyway - November 24, 2015
moving truck dilemma - October 28, 2015
- - July 19, 2015
- - July 01, 2015
bruise - June 29, 2015

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