it's 7:15 pm, on March 14, 2005 - she lives in a trailer park. clearly, she's disturbed. I mean, clearly..

~

I just started feeling sad and little and alone because of Tom Jones singing "All by myself". Clearly, I am disturbed. clearly.

--

so that's from before, and now it's now. Daniel wants to know if I think it's a good idea to get the crew together and step out somewhere this summer. He suggested Europe, Texas, and Jerusalem.

I don't mean to sound flippant, but one of those places just does not belong.

on sunday morning I went out to the lake, the place I found myself a lot the summer before last while I was going crazy. There are places you can pull off the road in various spots, walk for five minutes, and find yourself in a little piece of land where there is pretty much nothing within your field of view that says other human beings exist. I love it out there, it's beautiful and quiet.

the only sounds were the wind, strong for a bright sunny - and hot - day, the water, and every so often the buzz of an airplane echoing off the mountains. more than once I thought to myself, if God existed, it existed in that space we find ourselves, a place like this, where it's quiet.

I can't go somewhere this summer. I have obligations. I have a job. I have a rut that I've managed to sink into where every day is the same job, the same solitaire game, the same slightly uneasy sleep. I can't abandon that. --no, seriously, I don't have the leisure this year. keep saying "next year", maybe one day I'll mean it.

It's almost like, if I don't think, if I have nothing in my head, no feelings, no sensations, I cease to exist. If I can live mechanically, then there's nothing really of me here, is there?

Ignore me. I'm just thinking about all the things I keep thinking I'll get to one of these days, and find myself playing solitaire instead.

~

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what would sith be nostalgic about anyway - November 24, 2015
moving truck dilemma - October 28, 2015
- - July 19, 2015
- - July 01, 2015
bruise - June 29, 2015

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