it's 7:33 pm, on February 07, 2006 - really, the attraction is hitting people over the head with sticks.
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In my unending quest to write The Most Interesting Entry About Knitting yesterday, I forgot to mention the thing that I probably should have said first. Also, I have accumulated more thoughts today. Funny how life works like that! So:
A-- I emailed Kyle for the first (first?) time on Friday night. I mostly wanted him to know that I wasn't moving to Toronto to get married to Bryant, as he thought I was the last time I ever spoke to him, and that I was moving to Toronto because of me, not to be with someone else. I'm not sure why I thought he might want to hear that, but I know I didn't want him to hear second hand from Will something about the move and assume what is not so.
The odd part about it is - I'm not feeling particularly anxious about not having heard back. I think I assumed to begin he wouldn't reply; funny that in so few years I can have such a flat emotionless response to something that, six years prior, would have had me clambering off the roof for emotional release. Kelly said a line, independent of anything, that went something like, "that was the last time I was convinced that the sheer force of my want would make someone want me", and this lack feels a little bit like that - not precisely that, but enough. It's almost like I've past the point where I will assume that people will reply, when in reality I know they won't.
That sounds depressive and sad, and it's not - it's simply a statement about letting go of idealistic flights of fancy. Also about being capable of letting things go that aren't healthy or coming back.
Anyway, B-- as I told Rossi over on livejournal-land - it's like the serengheti! we'll go on safari!! - this man I know from work was explaining to me about martial arts tonight, before he left for class. I got to hold one of the practice swords. He told me I should start up with escrima, not kickboxing, because it's the martial art that gives you a weapon right off the bat. I was half-convinced, if only because I want to desperately sleep with this man-- and let me tell you. Never have I been so overcome with desire for someone I don't even particularly know or like, outside of affection and love. He half-convinced me I should be looking into starting martial arts. I am trying - oh, how I am trying - to get up at 5:30 to exercise before I go to work, but it mostly involves me pressing snooze about twelve times and / or listening to a lot of the classic rock radio station. Maybe if I switched my station, I'd be more inclined to get up.
This actually and even led me to start thinking up workout playlists on the train today. We shall see, my dears, we shall see. the journey we shall call 'hobbies' continues. what will tomorrow bring? what, indeed?
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