it's 11:51 pm, on February 15, 2006 - highway.

~

I don't think it's that I want
you--
but rather that I want, simply, and you are
the most appealing thing
in the room.

that's not to say I don't
want you, but
perhaps I should say temporarily, only
a soothing passion to fade quickly and
without marks.

-

I had the first line, that "I don't thing it's that I want you--" in my head on the train, and I don't think I did them particular justice - or even wrote about what, or who, I was originally thinking about - but I had a car ride home today that kind of highlighted how much I feel like I'm heading for a fall, and said car ride threw it all out of my head. Here's the thing - I have anxiety. I have anxiety, and I don't have an outlet for it, so it just comes out in tense muscles and insomnia.

We've heard the refrain about work and requiring the knowledge that one is doing one's job well before, so instead of talking about that anxiety and rising tension due to work, I'll tell you about the car ride home.

It was a little surreal - driving along these roads I could do blind, and often do drive so tired I basically fall asleep at the wheel, things out the window started to look different. The cars ahead of me started to look like toys, racing around a tiny track, rather than hulking pieces of metal. The road itself seemed so small, so small, like the sidewalk from the street to my front door, not miles and miles of asphalt. And there's me, rocketing through the middle of it, eyes unswaveringly following the vehicle in front, trudging a little toy car along home.

~

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what would sith be nostalgic about anyway - November 24, 2015
moving truck dilemma - October 28, 2015
- - July 19, 2015
- - July 01, 2015
bruise - June 29, 2015

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