it's 2:39 am, on March 15, 2008 - tonight, wishing a train had hit me.

~

IF THERE IS ANYTHING IN THE UNIVERSE THAT WILL STOP ME FEELING SO BAD AS THIS, PLEASE LET ME KNOW AND I WILL DO IT.

aka: month what number? of what number? of missing a man I NEVER HAD TO BEGIN WITH.

sometimes I'm desperately afraid that this is the really deep mark; this is the one that will bruise down to my core and redefine everyone. other times, I look at people I could be attracted to - instinctively compare them, find them lacking - and know.

no. except; yes.

everything I have that brings solace also reminds me of him; everything that could possibly make me happy also makes me sad because of him. I need to become a completely different person to fully erase what it is we used to have. but no, it wasn't what we actually had, it was only what I used to think we had. because if we'd had it in the first place, well then.

no. I don't know. I know I need to become a completely different person, that didn't buy the robot chicken star wars episode.

except I did. I hate this.

~

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what would sith be nostalgic about anyway - November 24, 2015
moving truck dilemma - October 28, 2015
- - July 19, 2015
- - July 01, 2015
bruise - June 29, 2015

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