it's 8:47 pm, on April 26, 2008 - i'm SO over you, sarah marshall.
~
still having pretty good luck with picking up people and hooking their interest. rock on, sociopathy! eventually people will realize that I'm a pretty bad person. whatevs.
have caught up with Kyle in the last few days. it's weird how it's like nothing's changed at all from when I knew him the last time-- just like every time. we're both sharper, both more jaded, both been stabbed a few too many times. we were joking about how student loans could be worse, and I nearly said I sometimes just wish I'd be hit by a train-- then realized that he's probably the only one for whom that isn't funny at all, and the only one who properly appreciates exactly how funny it is. apologized for nearly saying it; he said yes, I joke too, but I still can't stand trains. I said, me too. I still feel like that was my death, like, everything after is postscript, and he got it, because while that's not the moment for him, he's had them, so he understood.
I guess there are always those people you think you'll always catch up with, those precious few that will fall in and out of life in brief flares, and for some reason, whenever you meet again you're in the same place. this time we're both jaded and hard, bewildered at people and their stupidity. i wonder, now, if I have anyone like that left in the universe. jaded and hard, sharp, jagged, ruined, callous. maybe that's just me.
absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder; the grass isn't greener anywhere; you don't get anything for free; no one is redeemed.
-
thinking about talking to Kyle - who has had, all things considered, a social life that sucks way more than mine - and I can't decide whether I don't have any friends at all, or whether I'm just not capable of actually being alone, and being forced to at all makes me think I don't have any friends. I know I have a lot of acquaintances, and i'm fairly sure no one's going to get particularly close to me again, but still.
I do indeed do better with acquaintances these days, though.
oh, and also, an update on people falling for me when I least expect it: why is it that people get interested when i'm feeling particularly uninterested with even being remotely human? does the fact that someone shows interest turn me into the asshole that doesn't care about people's feelings, or do people only find me attractive when I'm a jerk? inquiring minds.
growing up is getting pretty damned jaded, I can tell you.
~
-
what would sith be nostalgic about anyway - November 24, 2015
moving truck dilemma - October 28, 2015
- - July 19, 2015
- - July 01, 2015
bruise - June 29, 2015
-