it's 3:19 am, on May 16, 2008 - -.

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a. I think in the last two months I may have lost a conscience and gained a girlfriend. uh.

b. over at the other journal - aka the place where I spent fifteen dollars for a rename token so people couldn't find my livejournal anymore and thus I wouldn't be tempted to read stupid shit written by stupider people - someone has, alas, found me. this is flesh and blood I have forsaken for their alliance to things I have rejected, and so it's even more awkward attempting to pretend it hasn't happened. I have, however, done a damned fine job of ignoring their side of the family for years, so who's going to stop now.

c. have spent a few nights now on the phone to Kyle. we are more bitter, more jaded, sharper, wearier, more bruised. I think I've told you this already, haven't i? see above re: lost conscience and gained girlfriend. part of me feels bad that I don't feel bad taking vague advantage of the fact that I really can't feel anything for anyone anymore, and haven't told her. the rest of me really doesn't feel anything, up to and including guilt. oh well.

d. am back in vancouver; am not really calling it home. home is a mobile space of blank slate, a canvas with nothing underneath. home is the possibility of happiness, relationships, and love - not the realization.

e. waiting for godot makes me angry and tired. tired more than angry these days. it's basically-- right now, mostly what I feel is just sad that people don't miss me. this is what I asked for though.

f. am still stalled on the greg-kink story which is an allegory for what has happened in my trainwreck - ahahah. train wreck. - of a life in the last five years. one line keeps coming back to haunt me. I think it is the motto of my existence.

Archie was happy to carry the conversation, and as glad as Greg was to take the invitation to breakfast, he was doubly glad when Archie's phone went off and he had to leave. Neutral at best was nothing to be proud of, and this was his life, and he was going to get used to it, and going to harden himself, and if he was unhappy about the situation, well, that was just tough fucking shit.

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what would sith be nostalgic about anyway - November 24, 2015
moving truck dilemma - October 28, 2015
- - July 19, 2015
- - July 01, 2015
bruise - June 29, 2015

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