�Yes,� Brendon finally says, very careful on the pronunciation. �Yes, I do, but I thought you were here to�to make us be friends again. We used to do this all the time, we always�And I felt really stupid, you know, earlier, when I was apologizing to Jon for being, what, close to him? It�s what friends do.�

It�s too much, Ryan wants to say, we�re still all too raw, although maybe it�s just him. �Yeah, well,� he says instead. �Our friendship can�t have been that important to you if you moved to Berlin and started thinking about a fucking solo album.�

�You know what, Ross?� Brendon�s voice is lowered to a whisper, his eyes narrowed. �You know, do you remember when we got back from the last tour? In Vegas, the first month, I was. I was practically glued to my phone, waiting for you fuckers to call me, but you never did. The only people who bothered talking to me were my mom and Shane.�

Ryan inhales deeply, sweet spices and tiredness making his throat clog up. �You could have called us, asshole. You�re the one who started it all, and then you pulled away and just��

�I wasn�t the one who started it,� Brendon says. �That was a group effort, I wasn�t the only one who sat too close and� whatever. I was just tired of being always the one who�Remember that movie, I don�t remember the name, but, like, there was something about how one always loved more than the other, the others, and I just didn�t want to be�� He cuts himself off and turns away, frowning down at his hands.

�What?� Ryan asks. His whole brain feels sluggish.

�Nothing,� Brendon says tightly, in a tone that they have all learned means he�s done, and the only thing that will make him talk again is a genuine apology. Ryan doesn�t even know what he should be apologizing for.