it's 7:04 pm, on June 02, 2010 - leave the phone beside the bed..

~

so, friends and frienemies, here's something you may already know: once and a while i think of paris, wonder if he's alive and shit, hope he's not dead, hope he's, you know, good. then once and a while, I sit by some dude on the subway that could be his body double, and wonder if in some impossible way it's him, wonder if it's really been so long since i've seen him -- pictures or in person -- that i'd forget what he looked like enough that he could literally be sitting three feet away from me and i wouldn't recognize him.

part of me stubbornly wants to say i'd always know him, that his face is burned into my neurons. part of me thinks i took the subway with him this afternoon. can't decide if it's worse to think that i could have forgotten his face so completely, or that he's probably forgotten mine.

~

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