it's 3:33 a.m., on 2001-05-13 - fucking terrified.
~
I just finished reading Puca's 'Our House' , and jesus christ in a sidecar, am I terrified out of my wits.
Guys. You all watch buffy, I know you do-- I'm looking at you guys in the back, yeah you-- and you don't want to miss this. The last episode, the one with Dawn and Glory? I saw that today, too, and then I read this, and sweet merciful jesus. I'm all full of swearing.
Puca's my hero.
And I'm listening to Radiohead, which doesn't help, and I'm thinking about how I too can create chaos and fear and, just, sheer bloodyminded *terror* as well as hopelessness, but I know I can't. Like I said, Puca's my hero.
--on a somewhat unrelated note, while I'm thinking about Buffy, I hate Joss Whedon. I've been trying to find out what's going to happen in the last two episodes of Buffy all night, and the bastard hasn't given any clues. I've read all the spoilers, all the rumors, and no one will tell me anything useful. I'm frightened. I'm on the edge of my seat. I don't want anyone to die, but, there doesn't seem to be any other way.
I have terror, nail-biting terror, right now. I'm so full of it that I can't seem to do anything but swear.
Spiral. Things spiralling in and out and, some people get lost on the edges as the movement goes, because there are so many people and so much to do. Buffy can't hold it together. She's lost so much. People are dropping like flies.
Glory is just like the kid who was just a little bit bigger, a little bit more egocentric. You remember the one, surly, and just plain mean, the one that thought they deserved people to be in fear. And people were. The kid that liked to pull the wings off flies.
This is what I'm full of. I don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight.
~*~
Okay, I'm a geek again. And I'm still full, but this kept me calm while I let the moment pass, so. I've decided, I'm going to do any and all surveys that I find and post them here. This one I stole from Twig, again, who stole it from someone else.
1. when were you born: March 6th, 1982.
2. where were you born: Yellowknife, in the North West Territories-- way the fuck in the arctic
3. what was your first grade teacher's name: I don't remember. Isn't that sad-- that's the kind of thing that people look back fondly on years past school.
4. what was your first pets name and what was it: I had a goldfish named guppy, I think. Strange I remember the fish that died about three weeks after we got him, but I don't know who taught me for a year.
5. what was your worst accident (medical): Not much. I got what amounted to typhoid. Not really an accident.
6. what was your favorite cartoon: Tail Spin all the way! And when I was really little, probably She-Ra. Rock on.
7. who was your first best friend: Chick named Tanya. I used to go over to her house for sleepovers and get scared of the dark.
8. when was the first time you ever went on a plane: Uh. God knows. Way the hell back.
9. who was your first boyfriend: Um. Dave. I was really cruel to him.
10. what was your favorite song when you were in the 5th grade: I have no idea. I think I was still weird little kid in grade five, so I don't know if I knew music.
11. what was your favorite movie in the 2nd grade: Dunno at all.
12. what did you want to be when you grew up: Dunno, again. Still don't know.
13. what used to be your favorite color: I've never had one. Color's never been a thing.
14. what was your favorite subject: ...I don't know. I'm failing this quiz.
15. did you ever wet your pants at school: I actually think I did, yeah. First grade, I must have been four or five. I don't remember much of it, so I might be on crack.
16. did you ever get sent to the principal: Nah. I tried my damndest all through grade nine, and the teacher never actually sent me to talk to anyone. Just made me sit outside the classroom with everyone else who was bad.
17. did you ever start a food fight: Nah.
18. what was your worst fear: I don't know. Attracting attention, I suppose. And the dark. I was a fearful little kid.
19. what was your favorite toy: Well, Twig said a transformer, and I remember, I loved transformers too.
20. did you ever suck your thumb: Don't know. Don't remember doing so.
Present
21. what time is it: 3:49am
22. what's the date: May 13, 2001
23. what grade are you in: Going into third year (I bloody well hope.)
24. who is your best friend: I don't really have one. Sometimes, I think River is, and someimes it feels like Will; sometimes Sue my roommate creeps in there. I'm a nomad in my own head.
25. what is your favorite movie: It swings. Can be Fight Club, or, y'know. There are a few.
26. what is your favorite song: Probably either David Usher's 'St. Lawrence River' or, um, 'Never is Enough' by the Barenaked Ladies, or, uh, that new Eve and Gwen Stephani song, or, Rob Thomas singing 'Loss, Strain and Butterflies', or Frank Sinatra's 'Fly me to the moon', or Radiohead and 'thinking about you'... yeah, uh. I dunno.
27. do you have any pets: A leopard gecko.
28. if so what are their names: I dunno. We named it at one point, but he gets called 'baby' now. It's not like he minds, right?
29. what was your favorite subject in school: Um. In senior year it was history. But I liked Lit, and Biology, and Chem, and anything but physics, art, and gym.
30. what color of hair do you have: Almost black.
31. what kind of music do you listen to: See, I was thinking about that while I was cleaning the bathroom today. I think I have a north/south music thing going. And not north/south geographically. But, south, hip-hop and rap and pop shite; north, rock and folk and some punk thrown in for fun. Then, once and a while I get an east and some jazz and Frank Sinatra... then west would have to be the weirdest shite, like that mongolian song.
32. do you still watch cartoons: I'd still watch Tail Spin, man. I love that show. And X-men. But I don't watch much TV.
33. what is your favorite TV. show: Buffy! Buffybuffybuffy... and Queer as Folk. ER is good, too. I don't watch much else.
34. do you get online often: *laughs* You're joking, right?
35. what's your worst fear: I don't know. I think. Being examined, exposed. I have false social phobia.
36. what's your favorite color: Don't have one.
37. what state do you live in: Mentally, can I be a californian girl?
38. do you have a b/f g/f: People keep asking me this, and I keep saying 'ask me again when I know' *laugh*
39. what's your favorite type of food: I'm easy. I eat anything.
40. do you drive: Yeah. No wheels, but if I have'em, I'm allowed.
Future
41. what do you want to be when you grow up: Gypsy.
42. do you want to go to college: No. But I'm here anyway.
43. do you want to get married: Hell yes! I want a jungle-themed wedding, with tribal drum-beats and everyone in jungle print and leopard print unitards... and the food all barbequed and somewhere in a stupid looking faux-islands hut with a bamboo ceiling. Do I want the marriage? Not really. But I want the wedding.
44. if so at what age...if not why: I commit to myself. Maybe that'll change-- I don't know what age. I'm not currently allowed to have a wife, though, so it's a moot point.
45. do you want to have kids: Fuck no. I'd be a terrible mother. They'd take them away.
46. what kind of car do u want?: Heh. I want, in order of cost: a VW Golf VR6 GTI... a '96 convertible mustang, turbo or whatever they are... or a porche. Shiiiiny.
47. at what age do you think you'll live to be: That's tempting fate to answer.
48. where do you want to live when you're 35: Holland. San Diego. The beaches of Thailand. A villa in southern Italy. Athens, Greece. --I want to be a gypsy.
49. what movie do you want to see next Saturday night: Either A Knight's Tale or The Mummy Returns. I'm such a geek. I want to see it because it's vaguely about archaeology.
50. what time do you think you will go to bed when you're 70 (if you plan to live that long): Again, tempting fate, but probably, when I want to.
51. do you think you will have the same friends as you do now: No. I'm not a pack-rat when it comes to people.
52. do you think everyone will be jealous of you at your 10th high school reunion: Like the hell I'm gonna be there.
53. do you want to be president of the U.S.: *laughs* Sure, why not! Nice digs.
54. do you want to walk on the moon: Physically or metaphorically?
55. do you want to be famous: Um. I'm not sure.
56. what kind of housing do you want to live in: A caravan. The penthouse apartment at Granville and 12th, above the 'plum' store there, in that incredibly gorgeous brick and fire-escape building. A renovated church. A houseboat on the canals of Amsterdam. Some old Roman villa with baths and a pool and a view of the beach.
57. what color do you think your hair will be when you're 50: I really like that kickass blue hair that old ladies have.
58. do you think you will still have the same personality when you're 60: Again, tempting fate. Sweeping statements like this have a way of sneaking up on oneself and saying 'hah! you knew nothing back when you were nineteen! See what you said about yourself!' And we don't want that.
~
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