it's 3:29 am, on November 05, 2002 - me llamo sinner. none of this is fair..
~
So today there's actually a bit of something to say aside from my own petty interests.
KJ posted the end to Any Kinda Breath, a story of epic comicfic proportions. but why am I telling all, three, of you that read this about it? you're all on OTL. you saw. you read it.
So. the end of Any Kinda Breath.
I said to mel, 'I can't believe I just read the end of Any Kinda Breath. I'm kind of in shock.' then I emailed KJ with the line "life is a shock". Bobby is a shock. Everything is a shock, in the end.
Bobby. Bobby.
and I swear, that line "me llamo sinner - none of this is fair" is Al's, even though I can't find it in her journal anywhere. and yet, there it is, staring me in the face from Any Kinda Breath, and now I don't know whether Al read it years ago, and it's KJ's, or KJ took it from her, or whether it's something else altogether. all I know is, it's Bobby. Bobby, bobby, bobby.
and, okay, even after having read through half of al's journal I STILL can't find where she quoted "me llamo sinner; none of this is fair". and it's driving me crazy, instead of sad, which is good, since it's three o'clock in the morning and I'm hungry so let's eat. right? except, not, that tired and depressed feeling is submerged for the time being. and I can go to four am now and only think of Paris some of the time.
oh, that reminds me: last night I dreamed about Paris, about him being with me and us being together, and close and bare skinned. not, sexy. it wasn't sexy. but, exposed, the way Dex talks about being exposed. and I can't remember anything about anything except the way the light fell in the room.
I dreamed that after I ignored my alarm and skipped school, went back to sleep. so who knows what would have happened if I hadn't skipped school? I never would have dreamed about him. -- it's still not as interesting as the really hotel, the swing bridges, and the deep fried koi dream from the night before.
and, okay, rereading your journal is, funny, and kind of sad. I used to tell you a lot, I love you, in public and in cheezy ways, and I don't do that anymore. but it doesn't mean that I mean it any less. there are lots of things that have fallen away, like, we don't say windmills anymore and I can't even remember quite what it meant -- though I'm sure it was Bobby and Don Quioxte -- and yet, the trick is, someone told Justin, is to figure out what's important and let the rest slide. right?
okay, and yes. driving me *crazy*. I swear, al, you quoted "me llamo sinner" at me back, before. back when we, y'know. back. Back a long time! And. now it's not here.
crazy.
it's three o'clock in the morning. but I'm not hungry anymore.
~
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