it's 4:00 pm, on June 29, 2005 - subconscious desire to grieve?.

~

This is the dream:

You are patently aware that your sister's graduating class is committing suicide one by one. Two of her close friends have died, including one who crashed his plane into a mountain on purpose. A and D, we'll call them, are gone. Z is gone. F is gone. Some guy Robert that I've only met once, he's gone, so is J. they have all killed themselves.

You find yourself walking up the drive to said school at night, having forgotten something at the school. the doors are locked, but there is a teacher there coming out of the school, saying it's all locked up. There is a odd calm around the school, at night, and then you go up to the flag pole and realize someone has hung themselves from the top of it, wire tight around their necks. Distinctly, you wonder how they did it, how they managed to get themselves to the top of the pole to die, rather than hang off a low beam like everyone else.

you go home.

And remember that guy that you are currently somewhat attached to? he's at home, whereever home is. he attempts to make you feel better, but you don't. for some reason, upon waking, you can remember the feeling that thinking about all these suicides gives you, the feeling of numbness. even in your dream you were slightly jealous even as you were worried for your sister. but this is not a nightmare. this is just a dream.

--

okay, subconscious, you win. I give up. what do you want from me?

~

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